Fighting for Families is Not an Easy Mission
Melissa Denning, known by most as Missy, is a longtime advocate for strengthening families in the Cedar Valley. Missy does work for the only local agency working to prevent child abuse. She has played a pivotal role in establishing Family Treatment Court in Black Hawk County. Through this program, she and others are working to keep families together and give children the best possible quality of life. Family Treatment Court is approaching its first anniversary, and in that time, many lives have been improved.
Missy’s main place of work is Family & Children’s Council of Black Hawk County. The organization’s mission is to prevent child abuse and strengthen families. According to Missy, “Our programs provide education in schools, direct services to families, and community outreach. We reach 13,000 children and families every year,” and she continued, “We’ve been serving Black Hawk County since 1980, and we will continue to work tirelessly so another child does not become a statistic.”
Missy shared that during one recent conversation with a client, “We were discussing her parenting inventory results, she blurted out how she knew that I ‘was the real deal the moment that I walked through her door’. I laughed, and she said that it was true, adding that I wasn’t ‘an asshole’.”
Research shows many of these parent behaviors stem from ACEs, or Adverse Childhood Experiences. While as Missy mentions, these are “not an excuse to limit one’s potential”, they do tend to contribute to destructive decisions. To best serve this group, over the years, she has become an expert in the trauma-informed care approach.
Earlier this year, Missy asked of her facebook friends, “What if we had trauma informed schools? What if instead of asking what’s wrong with a person, we asked what happened to them? What if we talked with people instead of to them?” Her big heart has gone a long way in the work she does day in and day out.
In Missy’s line of work, you can imagine there are a lot of hard days. “My least favorite nights are those I teach parent education,” she shared. “Those nights are also some of my favorites. Strange, right?” She went on to share an example from a recent parent education class,”Last night…I had a roster of twelve, and nine showed up. Nine parents who recognized they couldn’t do this incredible journey alone, so they attended to learn more.”
She can see the work she is doing help parents and children. Missy does not take her job lightly and often gives more of herself than required. She believes in giving her all to help those in need. “They came to receive support because parenting isn’t meant to be a journey completed alone; it takes a village,” Missy commented, “I come home exhausted, but filled with hope.”
And, she is good at what she does. “I have an 82% rate when it comes to parents being reunited with their littles,” Missy shared. Her unique role fulfills a need. She is a voice of reason and gives direction rather than consequences. “I am not law enforcement. I am not DHS. I am an advocate. I try to give alternatives and help them see the value in themselves,” Missy says.
As of August 2017, Missy has been with Family Children’s for 20 years. Her daughters, Lauren and Cait, have grown-up selling blue ribbons, raising child abuse prevention awareness, and other volunteer activities. “It’s kind of a life of servitude. They believe in the mission as much as I do. It’s a family affair,” said Missy.
In addition to the parent education classes provided by Family and Children’s Council, Missy plays a roll in a collaborative program called Family Treatment Court. She describes Family Treatment Court as, “Juvenile Court on steroids.” In effort to do what is best for kids and keep families together, parents are evaluated on progress and whether their kids should be returned to their custody.
Nationally known as Family Drug Court, the program is growing based on increasing need. One source shares that the number of these Family Courts has increase from just ten in 1990 to now 370 in 2016. To participate in this court, parents have to of had a substance abuse issue. While certainly providing successful outcomes, this court has not always been in our area. Judge Stephen Clarke first reached out to Missy about a year and a half ago. “I need you sitting at the table,” Judge Clarke told Missy, “I need someone like you to make this work.”
The two had an important role in bring Family Treatment Court to the Cedar Valley. They carefully thought out implementing the program, recruited others, and it has taken off. Many facilitators and parent advocates involved are volunteering their services or their time is being donated by their employer.
Admission for court participants begins with a referral, and next, orientation with the Clerk of Court. Once complete, parents meet in family court every two weeks. Keeping families together is the goal of this court. However, parents aren’t rewarded rights of their children until they earn it. And, there are timeline restrictions alongside progress milestones that must be attained. “We’ve always got to look at what’s best for the client and child safety,” says Missy.
Missy’s role in Family Treatment Court is to foster a relationship with struggling parents. “Think about why you make the choices in your life. We make changes because we make relationships. We have someone encouraging us to make a change.” She earns trust of and respect becoming a resource for those in need.
And, there are parents in need. Missy shared from a recent parent education night that each class member was to share the thing they can’t live without. A participant responded, “That’s tough because there was a time when I would say my kids. But now, I still can’t live without my kids, but I really can’t live without hope. Hope that my kids will come home is what keeps me going.” Missy noted that, “Some nights the reality is heart breaking.”
Hope keeps parents trying to learn and become the people they want to be. Certain times of year can be especially hard like currently, we are approaching Christmas. While many families become reunited around the holidays, there are still families who may never qualify to have their children returned.
Family Treatment Court is a review process for parents who have lost rights to their children. Participants are first referred into the program, then attend and orientation with the clerk of court, followed by regular meetings to encourage steps to earn their parental rights back. The participants meet as a large group and take turns checking-in with the judge. He provides feedback to each participant and lets them know how they are doing on their phased advancement track.
In late October’s Family Treatment Court session, a participant shared about her recent incarceration, “I’m scared,” she pleaded, “I haven’t been to jail since 2001. I didn’t want to lose my job.” The judge listened with an understanding ear. The group of participants, support staff, and judge all seemed comfortable with each other.
Following that court session was a group activity at an arcade. “I’m sorry I’m not able to be with you tonight,” said the judge. Then, the judge called on the first parent up for phased advancement review, “Michael, let’s start with you.”
The judge asked Michael to share his sobriety date. He shared it was just two month prior. The judge reviewed Michael’s accomplishments since then, and noted the only thing outstanding was some community service. Once that was complete, Michael would be able to start completing phased advancements.
Next, the judge called others to the front of court for progress updates — each with their own story. No two participants in the Family Court Program are facing identical circumstances, and yet all are there supporting each other. One participant gave her update, “I moved into my grandma’s house. I’ve started taking classes. I take the bus to get there each day.”
Judge Clark commented, “The holidays are the harder times, when your family is not together or struggling, you want to be able to be healthy, confident, and nurturing parents. That comes first. The presence and being there comes first. It’s good to know you’re on a positive track.”
The track to regain custody of one’s children is not easy. One participant noted, “There are so many meetings between the two of us.” She was referencing all of the court assigned meetings for both her and her husband. The two fell upon difficult times and lost their children, and now have committed to work together to turn their lives around and get their family back together.
And, because of people like Missy and programs like Family Treatment Court, families are getting back together. The circumstances are not always ideal, and even as Judge Clarke shared, “We’re still figuring out the program [Family Treatment Court] here itself.”
Missy is an expert in family struggle. Her mindset and determination shows in comments she makes like, “What if instead of a consequence we give support?” She does not cast judgement. She has been witness to unimaginable stories of struggle and heartache. She has also played a role in turning those facing negative life circumstances in another direction. The work she is doing is story-worthy. And, she is constantly on a mission to help people write a better life story for themselves. To do that, she advocates for them and helps navigate the legal system. Interviewing her and learning about Family Treatment Court benefited my journalism and law class experience greatly.
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